14 replies to this topic

[Beowulfthehunter]

I am just wondering on people's thoughts when it comes to gaming with couples. In my years as a gamer I have gamed with a few couples and it has NEVER turned out well. It always seems as if the one does not care and this ruins the game for everyone else. With the current couple I play with the one refuses to learn the rules of how her characters work and then her husbands yells at her for not knowing mid game. In our last game he took out like a 1/2 hour complaining how she does not have her spells propperly memorized. It just kinda sucks the fun out of the game and leaves the rest of us uncomfortable.

We have a group starting up at the store and as soon as our GM said his wife is joining, upon hearing this I am wondering if I should just drop now and save a bit of heart ache.

[Heisler]

I think you need to give it a try. My experience with couples has been quite different from yours. In fact for that last 15 years or so I have pretty much only gamed with couples. Never had any problems, some explanation does occur from time to time but if both couples truly enjoy playing then it really can be a good time.

[Kiyoku]

Sounds like in your case its you finding couples that both are not fully into the game. Like my wife she has hard time playing warlord so she sits out when the group gets together to play. Try getting the one in the couple having trouble to sit out an watch how the game played till he/ she thinks there more comfortable playing with all rules. An maybe do short games to test out there skills with rule following for different skills like basics for magic usage.

[Marsya]

I have had both good and bad experiences it all depends on the couple and how serious the people are about having a good time and playing the game. I am part of a couple I realize however we can be different from some other couples because we both were gamers to some capacity prior to playing together. We each love roleplaying games and enjoy the fun you can have. There have been some games that our group may play that just doesn't fit well for me or I may not be as interested in joining so I usually take time to catch up on painting and skip that particular campaign.

At cons we always schedule games together and separate, that way we each can play what we really want without worrying if the other is having a good time.

I've played regularly with a few couples and some have been fine and both people enjoy the game while others not so much. I understand your pain of playing with someone who doesn't really want to be there. Usually it kills the fun for everyone but it is a tricky situation and you cannot easily talk about it to the couple either without hurting feelings.

But I say try it out or ask to play a short game first to see how the group dynamic works and if everyone seems like a fit then join.

[Adrift]

My gaming group consists of two couples, a single woman, and an engaged woman. There's little/no favoritism and our group is very supportive of bringing new players along on the assumption that people want to be there and learn. If a player isn't interested in learning the game, they'd be disinvited to play, but are welcome to come chill.

[Spike]

It would seem to be a "depends on the couple" thing to me too..and that goes for all hobbies, not just gaming. If a spouse or s/o is serous about wanting to share hobbies and friends, then he or she will make it a point to learn the rules of the game and the other will be careful not to thrust him or her into a situation without being prepared...and if it goes badly, a real life-partner would be more discreet or at least civil if the newcomer makes mistakes.

Beo it seems your particular couple has real issues. If they can't get on nicely at game night or can't admit there's a part of the game they don't understand, then I hate to think how they get along in other more serious situations. I'd give your hobby store group's GM's wife a chance.

[Castlebuilder]

We have two couples who game at my FLGS. Both of them are fine to game with. (Mike & Steph argue with each other a lot, but that's just their personality. It just gives us more to pick on them about.)

[Inarah]

My husband and I are both gamers so when we sit down to play it's because we both want to be there and we try to bring our best to the table. I have certainly seen what you describe in others, though. The parter who wants to play and the partner who wants to be there only because they don't trust their other half or they don't want to be left at home. Eventually they both stop showing up. I've also seen couples who bring their personal problems to the table. Best left at home in any circumstance but some people just don't know any better.

We interview for new players now. A few emails, a meeting at the game store to talk about play styles, etc, and then a very short campaign at the game store to see how it goes. I think you should ask the GM if his wife is a gamer, and what characters she likes to play, that might give you a heads up on what to expect, but I think you should give it a chance.

[Runestone_Cowboy]

Oh dear. Where to begin...?

Erin & Randy: New mother going back to school but skipping classes because she'd rather hang out with the manga/otaku crowd behind her husband's back. He is working two jobs, 80 hours a week so she can go to school. Game days she's dressing like a 12 y/o in tube tops and shorts exposing everybody to stretch marks reminiscent of geological formations, he's falling asleep because of how much he works and she makes him take care of the baby in the middle of the night. Eventually had to pull out of the game and every other activity outside of work and home to focus on family. They did so just in time since they were about to be asked to leave because no one else can focus on the game because of them.

Paul & Monica: Overbearing and possessive husband married to an undocumented alien who has faked an SSN to get work and are currently committing immigration fraud. He won't let her character get any romance in a game because of his possessiveness, even though they were practicing an open marriage where he got to sleep around and she didn't since they only got married for her green card (third marriage on her part to attempt this). Squabbling and generally making everybody uncomfortable in their presence. Had to ask them to leave.

Joe & Tiffany: Foolish kid asked for his significant other to join the game. She has no gaming experience, wants to play character concepts that clash with their splats; Pooka bombmaker? A thief that won't steal? A fighter that won't fight? She cheated on him left game of her own accord.

(Same) Joe & Emma: Foolish kid asked for his next significant other to join the game. She has no game experience. Won't read the books. Druid refuses animal companion and spends an hour buying shuriken and then finding out later that she doesn't know how to use them and can't anyway because of class restrictions. Goes home and badmouths everybody in the game on her blog when everybody in the game has a subscription to her blog. Asked to leave.

John and Ann: Almost a twenty year age difference in this married couple with him being the older. Gaming is like a tertiary hobby for them and she is new. Only reason she wanted to game was to spend more time with her husband and his activities. Need them to both provide schedules in order to to find days that jive with everybody else which is like three sessions every two months. He provides his schedule, but only his schedule. She passive/aggressively provides hers three days after everybody else has responded and set a date only to tell us it doesn't work for her. She won't transfer her stats from note pages to a character sheet for two months or do anything else outside of the day of the game like ask questions during downtime. Constant source of stress for me. I tell them I am not inviting them to any more games that I run and they both have an entitlement hissy fit.

Then there is my wife, who grew up watching her mother game, enters my game after we start dating and knows her stuff. She knows I'm not afraid to kill her character or use her as a plot b**** and has no problem with it. The only problem we've had gaming together is a Star Wars game that I ran as she isn't a familiar with the setting and I wasn't going to explain to much of things in order not to give away spoilers. She has no problem when we are in a a game together either.

It really just has to do with the decisions people make in life outside the game and whether or not they are really gamers and not just using it as a reason to spend more time with their SO.

[Qwyksilver]

I think a lot of it comes down to the maturity and strength of relationship with the couples in question, and why they are joining the game.

[wildbill]

I married a non-gamer on purpose. When I start talking about gaming, her eyes kind of glaze over and she starts surfing the net on her iPhone. She starts talking about her family gossip and I suddenly get an interest in the H&G network on tv. LOL!

We aren't THAT bad, of course, but it is true she is a non-gamer. I have a set evening every week that I have had for at leaast 15 years for gaming with my friends. She knew that going into our relationship, and now is almost upset when it gets cancelled for some reason! She definitely like her alone time with the dog while I'm out at "nerd night".

I've only rpg'd with one couple, and she was doing it to spend time with him. But, to her credit, she did her best to learn the rules so that she wouldn't be a hindrance to the game. We let her play a fighter so she could be a part of the action a lot. This group lasted about a year before real life interfered (as always with rpg groups for me!).

Wild Bill

[Bruunwald]

This question comes up frequently on the Paizo and WotC boards. My experience? No problems.

Firstly, since the late 'eighties, I have GMed for two girlfriends and a wife. It doesn't matter to me that my wife does not know all the rules, since I am the GM and I know them all anyway. Meanwhile, I have had two other couples in my games on and off over the past twelve years, and no problems worth mentioning. One girl got a little pouty when her boyfriend joined, but that was to be expected since she was such an attention wh@#e. That wasn't a couple problem. It was a problem with a needy player. A small recommendation to her boyfriend to play his character as if he didn't understand why this chick hated him, and the problem was solved.

[Beowulfthehunter]

I played with one of the couple groups tonight. The one woman was anoyed her husband was not paying enough attention to her and suddenly had an Asthma attack. The ended up having to leave and the came was called. Kinda sucks as I have not been able to play that particualr storyline for a while and it will be another month at least.

I will agree I guess it does depend on the group. As one of them I play with is a BF/GF combo and she is a 2nd gen gamer with her father having taught her 1ED&D and has been going to gencon since it was in Wis.

I think part of it is just helping the game along and making a simpler character.

[herzogbrian]

The only real issue that I have had with gaming with couples is that you tend to loose 2 players for the game when one cannot make it. Not always the case, but in general holds true.

[Wizard Lee]

As a married man, I can sympathize with the OP. I was one of the people once upon a time who was asked to leave games, etc., because my wife wasn't a gamer and, while she wouldn't attend gaming sessions, she would constantly text/call/email while I was away, distracting me from the game.

However, time marches and people change. And my wife has changed in a progressive way. But alot of it had to do with me changing my games and gaming hobbies, and therefore the people I played with. When I played CCGs, she wasn't happy. She didn't like the games or the people and the fact that CCGs tend to be real money sinks. However, once I transitioned to miniature gaming, she was more supportive. She liked the crowds better and the work I put into miniatures, watching the process, she came to respect it. She didn't like RPGs when she tried those, and I was always a half-hearted RPG player anyways, not liking the mechanics of the systems and that there was no hard ending.

Now, she does mostly board games. My real problem is that she is really shy and I'm trying to get her to come out of her shell a little bit, since I feel like I need to serve as an intermediary for her, so that she'll have a good time. That in turn takes away from my gaming. But luckily, our FLGS has a monthly game night and the crowd is pretty regular so she is getting to know people and coming out of her shell slowly.


Ok...that was a bit of rant. I guess, what I'm saying, is that couples are just like everyone else. There are some you like, and some you don't. Single people can be just as bad, if not worse.